Much Ado about Da Vinci: My critique of a critic!
I would've called this a labour of love except that after you read this, you would be tempted to call it a labour of hate! A friend sent me a, shall we say, rather well informed critical review of the Da Vinci Code, well-informed because the critic self-confessedly has not managed to get past the first 100 pages of the book. I was inspired into writing my critique of the review which I shall present here for the benefit of humanity.
Before you read my critique, it would help to read a short excerpt of the original review by our Esteemed Critic. I am reproducing it here with full credits to the author.
The Esteemed Critic speaketh:
"There has been much debate over Dan Brown’s novel ever since it was published, in 2003, but no question has been more contentious than this: if a person of sound mind begins reading the book at ten o’clock in the morning, at what time will he or she come to the realization that it is unmitigated junk? The answer, in my case, was 10:00.03, shortly after I read the opening sentence: “Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum’s Grand Gallery.” With that one word, “renowned,” Brown proves that he hails from the school of elbow-joggers—nervy, worrisome authors who can’t stop shoving us along with jabs of information and opinion that we don’t yet require.
am aware of the argument that, if a tale has enough grip, one can for a while forget, if not forgive, the crumbling coarseness of the style; otherwise, why would I still read “The Day of the Jackal” once a year? With “The Da Vinci Code,” there can be no such excuse. Even as you clear away the rubble of the prose, what shows through is the folly of the central conceit, and, worse still, the pride that the author seems to take in his theological presumption. How timid—how undefended in their powers of reason—must people be in order to yield to such preening? Despite repeated attempts, I have never managed to crawl past page 100. As I sat down to watch “The Da Vinci Code,” therefore, I was in the lonely, if enviable, position of not actually knowing what happens.
The film is directed by Ron Howard and written by Akiva Goldsman, the master wordsmith who brought us “Batman & Robin.” I assumed that such an achievement would result in Goldsman’s being legally banned from any of the verbal professions, but, no, here he is yet again. As far as I am qualified to judge, the film remains unswervingly loyal to the book, displaying an obedience that Silas could not hope to match. I welcome this fidelity, because it allows us to propose a syllogism. The movie is baloney; the movie is an accurate representation of the book; therefore, the book is also baloney, although it takes even longer to consume."
HEAVEN CAN WAIT
“The Da Vinci Code.”
by ANTHONY LANE
My Critique of the Esteemed Critic:
To put it mildly, this piece comes closest to a self-righteous review by a critic suffering from chronic constipation. The obsession with grammatical nuances of certain random phrases seems to suggest an assumed belief in one's own literary capabilities acquired through continuous auto-suggestion presumably with the aid of some self-help book.
A classic case of missing the woods for the trees.
In launching an acrid attack on the "theological presumption" which is the central premise of the book, he seems to prance over a basic concept with the agility of a court jester doing cartwheels: That, a book (apart from text books, of course!) is an expression of the author's point of view and the attack is actually ,then, aimed at the entire community of writers who have ever had the audacity to write a book.
Going by the special unflattering attention accorded to Akiva Goldsman, the guy who should be banned from the "verbal professions", I can't help but ask: Is the esteemed critic waiting at the cold and lonely fringes of the "verbal professions" to occupy the place vacated by the Da Vinci writer, understandably having failed at his other attempts to become a legitimate member of the same? And what the heck (excuse my usage of verbal terms of the 4-letter variety!) is a "verbal profession" anyway? A desperate attempt at creating an avenue of livelihood for the selfsame critic, maybe.
That said, one cannot rule out the outside chance of the esteemed critic being a devout Christian!
Before you read my critique, it would help to read a short excerpt of the original review by our Esteemed Critic. I am reproducing it here with full credits to the author.
The Esteemed Critic speaketh:
"There has been much debate over Dan Brown’s novel ever since it was published, in 2003, but no question has been more contentious than this: if a person of sound mind begins reading the book at ten o’clock in the morning, at what time will he or she come to the realization that it is unmitigated junk? The answer, in my case, was 10:00.03, shortly after I read the opening sentence: “Renowned curator Jacques Saunière staggered through the vaulted archway of the museum’s Grand Gallery.” With that one word, “renowned,” Brown proves that he hails from the school of elbow-joggers—nervy, worrisome authors who can’t stop shoving us along with jabs of information and opinion that we don’t yet require.
am aware of the argument that, if a tale has enough grip, one can for a while forget, if not forgive, the crumbling coarseness of the style; otherwise, why would I still read “The Day of the Jackal” once a year? With “The Da Vinci Code,” there can be no such excuse. Even as you clear away the rubble of the prose, what shows through is the folly of the central conceit, and, worse still, the pride that the author seems to take in his theological presumption. How timid—how undefended in their powers of reason—must people be in order to yield to such preening? Despite repeated attempts, I have never managed to crawl past page 100. As I sat down to watch “The Da Vinci Code,” therefore, I was in the lonely, if enviable, position of not actually knowing what happens.
The film is directed by Ron Howard and written by Akiva Goldsman, the master wordsmith who brought us “Batman & Robin.” I assumed that such an achievement would result in Goldsman’s being legally banned from any of the verbal professions, but, no, here he is yet again. As far as I am qualified to judge, the film remains unswervingly loyal to the book, displaying an obedience that Silas could not hope to match. I welcome this fidelity, because it allows us to propose a syllogism. The movie is baloney; the movie is an accurate representation of the book; therefore, the book is also baloney, although it takes even longer to consume."
HEAVEN CAN WAIT
“The Da Vinci Code.”
by ANTHONY LANE
My Critique of the Esteemed Critic:
To put it mildly, this piece comes closest to a self-righteous review by a critic suffering from chronic constipation. The obsession with grammatical nuances of certain random phrases seems to suggest an assumed belief in one's own literary capabilities acquired through continuous auto-suggestion presumably with the aid of some self-help book.
A classic case of missing the woods for the trees.
In launching an acrid attack on the "theological presumption" which is the central premise of the book, he seems to prance over a basic concept with the agility of a court jester doing cartwheels: That, a book (apart from text books, of course!) is an expression of the author's point of view and the attack is actually ,then, aimed at the entire community of writers who have ever had the audacity to write a book.
Going by the special unflattering attention accorded to Akiva Goldsman, the guy who should be banned from the "verbal professions", I can't help but ask: Is the esteemed critic waiting at the cold and lonely fringes of the "verbal professions" to occupy the place vacated by the Da Vinci writer, understandably having failed at his other attempts to become a legitimate member of the same? And what the heck (excuse my usage of verbal terms of the 4-letter variety!) is a "verbal profession" anyway? A desperate attempt at creating an avenue of livelihood for the selfsame critic, maybe.
That said, one cannot rule out the outside chance of the esteemed critic being a devout Christian!
posted by Starship Enterprise at 4:45 AM
6 Comments:
where on earth did you learn to write like that?hybrid yankee and psuedo brit!had i a greater attention span i would be rolling on the floor with "the laughter"!try the latest style of blogging..'one line blogging'.it will go easy on vela people like me goofing off at work!
love you babes
we need to do something abt that attention span! you would'nt want to miss out on the "hybrid yankee-brit" humor :-)
i agree @maida...very verbose..really...tch tch..
Meditation,they say, works wonders for increasing concentration. Dazed, are you listening?!
damn! and here I was thinking I was supposed to play football. No, wait, that was for improving something else, was it..?! :)
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